Monday, October 11, 2010

Poll Winner: Halloween Haikus

Oh, dear, I've been a neglectful little blog mommy!  Sorry about that, folks!  It's been a super-nuts week, so I only just had the chance to get to some Halloween-themed haikus.  Forgive me, Internet.  For being so late, that is.  Not for the haikus.  You're welcome for those.

Bus People Haikus came in a close second, so I'm going to get to those as soon as possible!  There might even be a little crossover tonight. Excited?  You ought to be!  Here we go...

This year I'm a mouse!
My baby sister's a cat...
I'm very confused.

I am scary witch!
With green lipstick on my face
Mean kid stole my broom! :(

First Grade
Look!  I am LAMB CHOP!
As in, "Song that never ends?"
(Mom thinks*)...this will get old fast.


Second Grade
Now I'm an angel!
Or maybe I'm a fairy...
I couldn't decide.

(you will note that my mom made all my awesome costumes, even with other kids milling about. GO, MOM!)

Third Grade

I'm an Indian!
... Er, Native American?
... I just want sugar.

Some Halloweens Later...
They said I was too old for candy,
But I made myself look very handy:
Got my lumberjack on,
(like from Monty Python)
And got treats just for looking so dandy!

(okay, so I slipped into limerick here.  Too much detail for 17 syllables.  And it was pretty sweet, because I made fake axes to go with the flannel shirts and everything.  It was during that millennial-teenager period when we "discovered" Monty Python and thought it was cool, edgy humor.  I don't have a picture, mostly because my fellow lumberjacks and I (there were three of us) wanted to avoid the pictorial shame of trick-or-treating as teenagers in the "candyland" neighborhood.  It's free candy, people!  Don't judge.  Anyway...)

Following Trick-or-Treating as a Teenager
Thirty-two Snickers?!
My life has reached its zenith.
Think I'll have one now...

Following Consumption of Approximately Half of Resultant Snickers Bars
Must learn self-control!
No more Snickers till next year!
...Well, maybe one more.

From the Kid Dressed as Captain Planet to the Delinquents TP'ing Houses
T.P. on a house?!
Halloween is no excuse
To be wasteful, fool!

From Me to the Delinquents TP'ing My House
I hope the next time
You use a public restroom
The roll's gone.  KARMA!

Teen Who Picks Halloween to Announce to Parents That He's Really A Warlock
"Look, Mom, I'm Wiccan."
"What do you mean, you're Wiccan?
Stop making up words!"

(I hesitated before posting this one, for fear of offending a Wiccan in Bulgaria or someplace.  The Husband pointed out that my odds of offending a Wiccan are very small, especially in Bulgaria.  Besides, I’m running low on hate mail.  So bring it on.)

Upon Discovering a Halloween Lady Gaga Lookalike Contest... for Babies
Just threw up in mouth.
Who would dress a kid like this?
Some folks shouldn't breed.

Guy at the Bus Stop
Likes to wear his cape,
Not because it's Halloween;
He's just a creeper.

More to come soon!

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