Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I'm Legitimate!!!!... ish!

This is going to be a regrettably short post, because it's late, and it's about 49 degrees in our house right now, and I need to crawl into bed before it ices over.  I'm wearing my bathrobe over the Husband's flannel shirt, and I can still feel my skin prickling.  We can't turn on our radiator heat yet, because our system is "open", meaning that a radiator is not hooked up.  Can you guess where?



Yes, the bathroom!  The still-not-at-all-finished bathroom!  We would never have expected when we started this project in July that we would have to keep the heat off in October because of the radiator system's connection to the Bathroom of Neverending Calamity.  But I digress -- pardon the cold-induced whining.  I'm writing this post for a far more productive reason......

This blog is just over two months old today!  HOORAY!  I haven't given up yet!


I've been working long and hard to make it reasonably funny and occasionally pictorial -- I hope you've enjoyed it so far.  I have a new series of posts planned that will be unlike anything you've ever read.  Mostly because of this weekend in Panama City inspiring me through utter insanity and something called "Thunder Beach."  I'll get it going for you as soon as I can!

The quest for legitimacy is far from over, however.  You may recall that I want ridiculous success.  In the short term, I want to be more famous than Ke$ha.  I mean, I have a modicum of talent.  I can tile bathtubs, crochet baby blankets, and bake a mean pumpkin pie.  PLUS I just figured out how to play the Charlie Brown theme on my Victorian piano.  I'm willing to work for it, see?  And I can't be more famous than THIS?



She looks like a first-grade art project rolled in glitter and grain alcohol.

However, I am on my way.  There are a few things, in my opinion, that you need to have to be a legit blog.  And I have begun to (finally) hit some of those marks:


1. Followers: I have some of those!  More than I have fingers and toes combined!

2. A rudimentary knowledge of how the interweb works: I have officially come to grips with the fact that the internet is not a series of tubes.  There are graphics, labels, links, hyperlinks -- I can even embed videos now!  See the end of this post for more.

3. Page hits: I have some of those too!

4. Spam: I received my first spam comment a few days ago!  It was absolutely delighful...

SPAM:
"mystery shopping companies Mystery Shopping provides an insight into what happens when hard won prospective buyers are in contact with your sales and customer service teams. Douglas Stafford’s range of Mystery Shopping services cover every aspect of the customer experience – on-site and face-to-face, on the telephone and electronically, through your website."

TRANSLATION:
"there is a remote possibility that someone, somewhere may be reading your blog.  Some net troll is trying to peddle Douglas Stafford's Mystery Shopping services to your hard won prospective readers, because he is even more of an internet creeper than you are. kthxbai."

5. Hater Mail: I actually haven't received any of this yet!  I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.  It seems like some sort of weird validation, when someone considers you significant enough to spend five minutes (or more) insulting your writing, your hairstyle, and/or your very existence.



Well, hopefully I'll get some hate mail sometime soon, and then I'll know I've hit the big time.  Feel free to send some along if you're up to it -- please not too harsh, though, because any resultant tears might freeze on my face.  In the meantime, I feel like I've carved out a tiny sliver of legitimacy.  Thank you very, very much for being a part of it.  At this point, I can and will keep writing, if you'll keep reading.  I am too legit... you might say (sigh), too legit to quit.






(Ha-HA!  See what I did there?  I embedded a video!  And HERE's a link!)

10 comments:

  1. Guess whoooooo? I know. It's very difficult.

    Oh boo :( COME SNUGGLE WITH MEEEEEE. I shall keep you warm! Your pouty face makes my heart hurt through our ESPN connection ;_;

    I'm still trying to get caught up on this awesome blog of yours, but you make me giggle as always :-p Is Keisha/Kesha/Moesha/Whatever wearing... feathers? Is she a bird, a plane, Superdrunk? I donut understand D:

    Sadly, I'm incapable of sending you hate mail. I can send the Drunk Bird up there hate mail, but never you :( I just send you singing cards.

    (I DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE AN ACCOUNT THINGY. THIS IS ABOVE THE SHORT BLONDE STANDARD INTELLIGENCE LEVEL. HALLLLP)

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  2. My feeble attempt at hate mail: Get a space heater, dummy!

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  3. UGH, your hair looks terrible! For some reason, that makes your blog SUCK. And what were you thinking with that outfit? Oh wait, that's Ke$ha...

    Although, if you want your blog to be more popular, you might want to include more Ke$ha. That will at least attract more spam.

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  4. This is the opposite of hate mail but...

    Love your blog, Joy!! You are such a great writer and you always make me laugh!

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  5. Congrats on hitting the two month mark!! Seeing as Kesha became famous after "singing" while completely drunk, it can't be all THAT hard. I have high hopes for you!! Loving your blog! :)

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  6. BubblyBFF - I MISS YOU SO MUCH! This weekend? Where are you? Wait, don't tell me. I will use my finely-tuned ESPN to find you!

    Steph - Great effort - thanks! :) We would have gotten one, but we didn't get home until like 8:30, and we didn't want to go out again. Also, we didn't want to spend the monies, since (hopefully) the plumber has gotten it hooked up today.

    Lauren - Terrific! You could judge Project Runway! :) I might include more Ke$ha, but my blog has enough bathroom material as it is (ZING).

    Blair & Bi - Thanks for loving on my little slice of blog! I'll try to keep you laughing. If all else fails, I can just get really drunk and "sing" for my webcam.

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  7. I hate Kesha. How can someone so incredibly untalented be so famous? I'm throwing ten buckets of hatorade on her and I don't care.

    You know what the worst part is? I actually like her music. THE HORROR!

    Too legit! LMAO

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  8. Awesome :-) I'm on the quest for a legitimate blog as well...While I don't have too many followers I have gotten hate mail...yay! Nothing like being told you're selfish and they're glad they don't know you!

    Good luck with the fame and legitimacy :-) I'll be following!

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  9. As for the embedded video, we danced just like that at the wedding last weekend, right?

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  10. Annah - omg ten buckets of HATORade?! This might be my favorite portmanteau of all time. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Christine - Good luck with your quest for legitimacy! I think your blog is terrific!! Haters gonna hate, unfortunately. Perhaps Annah could provide you with some hatorade with which to douse them?

    Anonymous - am I by any chance married to your son? If so, yes, we did dance just like that. :)

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