Why are you so much longer than all the other days? Do you have to be such an attention-hog? Think about it.
WHERE DID YOU GO?!?!?
Why can't you go as slowly as Monday? There's so much to do before the end of the week, yet you run right past me, Wednesday. You run like a smug little gazelle, scoffing at my inability to keep up with you. Cut it out, Wednesday.
If you go as fast as Wednesday did, I'm gonna kick you all the way to Arbor Day, got it?! LOOK OUT.
I hope this correspondence finds you well! You look better with every passing week, and your arrival is much appreciated. You may want to have a word with Thursday, when you get the chance -- whenever there is a three-day weekend that temporarily moves you into Saturday's spot, Thursday starts putting on airs and calling itself, "The New Friday." This is unacceptable. YOU are the only Friday, Friday, and I hope you know that. See you in six days!